GEORGE AND THE DRAGON (In the Loose Kent Manner)
Featuring:- (in order of appearance)
The Narrator
The King of Eygpt
Sabrina, the King of Eygpt's daughter
The Dragon
Saint George
The Nurse
NARR. We've done our jigs both old and new
But Winter is a coming.
So seeking something else to do,
We're going to try some mumming!
We'll tell the tale of George the Knight,
Who slew a fiery beast
And though the story's not quite right
The play is free at least.
(ENTER KING OF EGYPT)
KING I am the King of Egypt's land
Of pyr'mids, sphinx and crocodiles
And a river that spreads like a giant hand
..A bit like finger niles.
An evil dragon plagues my rule,
Doing what he shouldn't oughta
And to persuade the beast to keep his cool,
I'm offering him my daughter..
(ENTER SABRINA, KING OF EGYPT'S DAUGHTER)
SABRINA The King of Egypt's daughter, me,
Sabrina the sacrifice
Daddy's letting the dragon slaughter me,
And I don't think that's nice!
I'm staked out here as a dragon's feast,
And I'm a royal princess.
I'm specially clad to attract the beast,
..A real damsel in dis-dress
(ENTER DRAGON)
DRAGON I am the dragon whom all men fear,
Like it or you can lump it.
With my fiery breath i'll turn this girl here
To tasty toasted crumpet.
SABRINA Oh,evil fiend, do what you will!
Not all my hope is gone.
One fair knight may save me still.
Saint George of Albion!
DRAGON My instincts are I shouldn't run,
But things are getting tough.
If Saint George has come from Al-bi-on
Then methinks that I'll-be-off.
(ENTER SAINT GEORGE)
GEORGE Hold, foul fiend of fiery breath
Too long your deeds you've boasted.
I now shall fight you to the death,
Or end up getting roasted.
DRAGON Ha, Knight, I'd cook you with a cough
But that'd be too crude.
I'm glad to see your armour's off,
I hate to eat tinned food.
GEORGE My! What a ribald reptile!
DRAGON My! What a foolish knight!
GEORGE Your pleadings will be futile!
DRAGON So will yours - let's fight!
(THEY DO SO AND GEORGE FALLS WOUNDED)
NAR/SAB. Oh woe! Saint George's luck is out-
He sorely wounded lies.
Is there a doctor hereabout
To save him 'fore he dies?
(ENTER NURSE)
NURSE Aye, I will!
NAR/SAB. Who,you? A mere maid!
NURSE No, no! 'Tis the reverse,
I'm not a doctor, nor that well paid
But I am a skilled knight nurse.
NURSE The wound has cut him like a knife,
I'll have to stem the bleeding.
Apart from that the kiss of life
Is what he'll soon be needing.
NAR/SAB. You think you'll save brave George from death
With artificial respiration?
NURSE No, I think some real breath
Will aid his restoration.
NAR/SAB. What maid will save Saint George the knight?
We care net what the price is!
A maiden's kiss will set him right,
Come on, this is a crisis!
(HOPEFULLY A VOLUNTEER EMERGES {IF SO SKIP NEXT VERSE} OTHERWISE......)
NURSE No volunteers from out this mob?
Alright, Til do it m'self!
Methinks I'll soon give up this job,
And sod the National Health!
(GEORGE RECOVERS)
GEORGE Fair maid you've rescued me from death,
I'm ever in your debt.
But hold, stay here and save your breath,
Could be I'm not recovered yet (GOES FOR ANOTHER KISS)
SABRINA George! It's not my place, I understand,
But could I just suggest,
You get back to t'affair in hand,
And slay this flaming pest?
GEORGE Yes, fair Sabrina of course you're right,
I'll now give the beast what's due.
NAR/SAB. And so it's back into the fight,
Seconds a way! (DING/ DING) Round two!
(THEY FIGHT AND GEORGE STRIKES THE DRAGON A MORTAL BLOW)
DRAGON Oh woe is me! I sorely skewered,
And wantonly wounded lie.
There's not a chance of getting cured!
That's it! Enough! I die! (DOES SO)
KING Now I declare a public feast,
And George must be rewarded.
For he has slain this vile beast,
The sordid dragon's sworded!
NAR/SAB. George too was smitten and ended wed,
To the sultry Princess Sabrina,
For as the knight himself had said,
'Twas love soon as he'd seen her.
Thus ends the tale of England's saint,
Some say it's sad, some funny.
But we will give you no complaint,
If you press upon us money!
(EXEUNT OMNES, etc.)